So since the Bible doesn’t teach us to be passive doormats, how should we deal with toxic family members Biblically? She didn’t tell her husband what she did because by the time she returned, he was very drunk. How could this happen to me, to us? Is she to be condemned as an unsubm… What if I make the argument that every Christian should be in a position to help, even by simple awareness and prayer, if nothing else?” and she addressed that……she said the wife should tell elders, they should believe her, and they should either escort her home or if he is violent enough give her a place to sleep until the authorities can be involved…….I know you don’t care bout that, because you just want to be angry…..but she did address it. Abuse victims should not. But I also want to remind people that the wolf in sheep’s clothing is a con and his tactics can be a slow progressive process that makes someone, the wife, doubt their own sanity. But it certainly does highlight how dangerous these husbands can be. We are not lying. Practically every day we see people getting angry – in traffic, in stores, on security camera video clips on the news, in movies, and maybe even in our homes. Thank you for exposing this teaching, Rebecca. So easy to plan the scene of someone else’s martyrdom and get teary eyed about how she is suffering like Jesus when you can go home in safety. Better a millstone and the ocean than to make one of these little ones stumble. But God is gracious. When your wife nags you, you can take deep breaths to calm yourself, or walk away for a few minutes to regain your composure so that you won't react angrily. Yes, anyone can be manipulated, and there are many reasons to consider when and how to exit.. Not just be angry and cause problems. “We could spend time exploring why he’s angry, but we’re using the Scriptures, not just digging into the past.” (32:10) I’ve noticed that when “Biblical counselors” (actually nouthetic/admonishing counselors) refer to the typical counseling practice of finding out about a person’s past, they often use the term “digging into the past,” apparently to disparage it as if it’s a ridiculous and futile exercise. It’s a good rule of thumb for me that if my husband has gotten really angry with me, something I’ve said or done has felt disrespectful to him. as described in Part One of this commentary. You have the infallible Word of God at your fingertips and it is living and active! It depends on leaders and teachers like Caroline telling the oppressed to limit the number of people you tell because it’s gossip if you stand up and talk about it in church. Aside from the use of the word “jerk,” I wonder why she shouldn’t tell her mom and her sister, assuming they’re safe people, about the cruel and dangerous man who is her husband? Untwisting Scriptures and offering the Living Water, to help others (especially those who have been abused) experience the joy to be found in Jesus Christ. Overall, the takeaway message for counselors and others is (1) that the wife is ultimately responsible to take care of all her own sin first and to approach her husband and then the church leaders in the perfect way in order to help her angry, cruel husband overcome his anger and cruelty, and (2) that the angry, cruel husband will not be punished by the church, but will be “restored.” But it makes no sense. How Do I Know If He/She Is The Right One For Me? I’m glad I saw your comment, Sparrow! Yes the elders in the church need to step up and do better. you said “But what if I make the argument that everyone in the church needs to know about a wolf in sheep’s clothing, a devilish man who wears a mask on Sundays, who is destroying his family? . But I still believe she made the right choice, by getting away from an angry man with volatile temper. It is the angry cruel husband who is the railer, not the wife who is seeking help. Thank you. I tried to listen to Caroline’s audio, but I couldn’t take more than about 12 minutes. I welcome your comments, even disagreement,  except for anything that sounds like bullying or harassment of other commenters. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. She was very clear that a person in an abusive situation should go to elders and also report the abuse not just endure it or stay in the marriage. Was there brokenness in my family, confusion and dad issues, yes. Many. Thank you so much for your comment, Grace, and yes, I’ll reconsider my tone, for sure. My prayer is that you find peaceful ways to cope with your husband’s anger, and that you realize how valuable and precious you are. We can learn from his example. Count to ten or take deep breaths to calm yourself. These verses don’t say, “Don’t get angry” or … If your husband is short-tempered and impatient, try remaining silent in love. “Objective counselor.” Caroline uses the term twice without definining it. There are some real risks for the helpers, too. . If you weather his verbal onslaught and remain relaxed and calm, he will likely be embarrassed about his behavior, reflect on it to correct it, and respect you even more. (It most certainly isn’t. I choose to forgive because I know that I am not free from sin, and I need Your forgiveness. After hearing Caroline, I was very saddened to think back to your post. If you were to rank the issues that disrupt marital harmony and hinder conflict resolution, explosive anger would be placed near the top of most lists. We know it is easier said than done. Psalm 131: How can I have a soul like a weaned child? The Bible says, When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down. That is not at all what Caroline conveyed in her four sessions at the women’s retreat. Not marital disputes. She is on your side from what I can gather in your post and from what I gathered from her sessions. Apparently so, because there is no mention of the possibility that this man may need to be put out of the church like the man in 1 Corinthians 5, or that he is like Alexander the coppersmith, whom Paul warned Timothy about. Railing on this guy. ” ( Prov from and have Compassion condemned as an unsubm… Seven steps to with... 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